Pop Music

First things first, I apologize for the unexpected hiatus.  The holidays were a pretty kickin' time on my end.  I skipped posting on Christmas, because Christmas.  I didn't post that Thursday, because I had spent 13 hours at work that day, and I was just too mentally exhausted to write.

I spent my New Year's eve puking, which is pretty common for me.  What was uncommon was the fact that I hadn't had anything to drink beforehand-- I was sick with the stomach flu (or cancer, according to WebMD).  And last Thursday I forgot to post, because I am a moron.  But everyone knows that already.

On to more pressing matters!

Scooter Braun owns the future... of popular music.  And he motherfucking knows it.  He's still consolidating power at the moment, but he has tested the waters and has managed to part the red sea.

And I have no gooddamn clue how.  It makes no sense.  This fact is the exact opposite of his chosen domain (pop music), which makes so much sense it's insultingly boring.

Most of you are probably looking at me like I'm crazy.  But I'm not crazy.  I have charts and numbers and science to back me up, and science would never lie to me.  Most of you don't even know what a Scooter Braun is, but since you're not abjectly retarded, you know it's his stupid redneck face I shared in an image a while back.

I'll repost it to catch the slower members of the audience up:

Scooter Braun.  Know the name.

Like many people in the music industry, Scooter works behind the scenes.  He's in the shadows, pulling various strings to make the aggravatingly catchy, yet bland and repetitive music in the "popular" genre sell millions of copies.  Luckily for nostalgia, time will eventually roll up its sleeves and wash off all the shit so the great music being made right now can shine.

This is why your grandpa makes fun of the music you listen to, and why 'oldies' stations can stay in business, despite the fact that, by definition, they cannot add any new songs to their playlists.  These 'oldie' stations only play the great music that survived the test of time*.

Not counting things like Rebecca Black's Friday, but we'll get to that in a bit.  First, you need to know that Scooter is the man behind Justin Bieber's success.  And you also need to accept that Justin Bieber is pretty damn successful with tweens.  He isn't the most successful, but he's up there when it comes to outright net worth.

I couldn't find inflation adjusted numbers, but I get the feeling that successful tween stars pretty much all follow the same pattern.  Most tweens just buy some artist's shit, and then they move onto another artist.  Tween stars never stay in the spotlight (and make bank) for long, because their audience A) doesn't know shit about dick and B) grows up.  Except for Justin Bieber.  Justin... is still famous.  Don't believe me?  Have a Google search hits chart:



Yeah, he's still beating his peers in the "shitty music" category.  And, he's more or less turned it into positive press-- the worst thing you can say about him is that he makes bad music.  So does Ke$ha (I honestly can't be bothered to care enough to see if I spelled that right), at least Justin doesn't look like he'll give me herpes at 500 yards.  Ok, and he's spoiled and a brat, but he's also 18.  As far as I know, that's sorta average for that age group.

Bieber is still in the spotlight.  And he's been there longer than any of his direct tween competitors, and shows very few signs of imploding.

But, it was Scooter Braun who put him there, and Scooter Braun who knows his shit.  Here, have a link: Read.  Don't look into the exact reporting here (not that it's bad/wrong/falsified, but its not what I want to bring to your attention), but Braun's reaction and comments.  He's smart. He doesn't sound like someone bumbling around with a one hit wonder, he sounds like a man who understands marketability on a level no one has yet to even comprehend.

How do I know this?  I compiled another chart of Google hits, this being the stuff in music that you heard approximately 10 billion times in 2012, against Bieber:



** Notes about this chart at the end of the post.

If you read that New Yorker article, you already know that Scooter signed Carly Rae Jepsen. What you now know is he also signed PSY.

 Only Friday remains... and Friday is the inverse of Scooter Braun.  Is there anyone here who thinks Rebecca Black has a stable superstar career ahead of her?  She is, actually, more or less set for life.  Oh, you didn't think super popular YouTube videos made money?  They make fucktons of money, if you can break into the millions-of-views level.  And Friday did that in spades.

Sure, she got teased, but she has money to spare.  She dropped out of school, but, with some smart investments,  she could do perfectly fine investing her profits and living on the interest.  And that was two years ago.  The difference is that she'll never be taken seriously, on a musical level.  Ever.

I've heard music snobs say that "Call Me Maybe" and "Gangnam Style" are "Brilliant, but horrible songs", despite the fact that, to my admittedly piss-poor ear, the only strong difference between them and Friday is the lyrics and effects used.  This is because Scooter Braun is a goddamn superhero.

(I am aware that Gangnam Style is a parody.  But, it has become the super-mega hit that it's making fun of, so it's valid.  And personally, I'm still sick of hearing it.  Bring it on in the comments if you disagree.)
 
Scooter Braun owns tweens, when it comes to pop music.  The next batch of radio hits?  Gonna be his.  He is a man to watch, if only so you know who to hang in effigy later.

*Not that all old music on the radio is good music.  But the average is skewed in favor of objectively good pieces.

**Terms were picked that were most favorable to the artist.  Nine times out of ten, that meant the song and not the person making the song,  Also, searching Friday on its own led to one weeeiiiirrrrrd trends chart.  I have no idea what the hell is up with November, but the searches for 'Friday' in every November since 2004 skyrocket.  It's absurd.