So, if you could be any videogame character... (part 1)

So, this other blog that I follow did a post about how the author would totally be Link from the Legend of Zelda series if he could be any video game character. Which I would never choose because Hyrule has an unfortunate lack of indoor plumbing.  But, I guess its an important question.

If I could be any video game character, who would I be?  Oh.  Um.  This is going to be hard.

First, lets lay down some ground rules:
1) This is video games ONLY.  Which means as much as I adore Twilight Sparkle, she's is off the list.  Ditto for Locke from Lost, or Commander Sinclair from Babylon 5.  While these are all awesome people I would totally be, they are from TV shows, and there are more than enough of video games to tackle.

2) Gotta be from a video game or video game "first" property.  Which means I can't use Lord Of The Rings, because those were books that were made into movies that were made into games.  However, Resident Evil is fair game because those were games made into shitty movies and even shittier spin off novels.  If I let myself use all the lincenced video games out there, we'd never, ever finish.

3) We're looking at characters, not games.  So, when applicable, I'll reference a series as a whole rather than an individual game.  This is another measure to take to make sure I can actually finish this list.

4)When I say "be a character" I'm referring to assuming that character's skill set at the outset of the game, along with their potential and learning curves.  Essentially, I'm just plastering my mental state onto the character in question, so if they start out as incompetent and get stronger, that's what would happen to me.  The big caveat here is that if a character is younger, I'd use my mental state from when I was the same age.  So, its 14 year old me in Sora's body, and my infant ass in Baby Mario.

I don't think I could possibly have been as annoying as that goddamn scream though

*WARNING*  I'm probably going to spoil things.  Several reasons are plot/character relevant, and I'm gonna delve into them if we're going to figure this out.

So, we might as well start with my favorite series, Final Fantasy.  Just narrowing down the series is hard enough, but from sheer badass potential, I'd probably have to choose between characters from VI, VII, and X. 

The characters are awesome- I'd rock as Terra from VI (The best spellcaster ever and half demi-god, with the ability to go super sayan), Cid from VII (I'm the nerd that will summon dragons and call down a rocket barrage from my kick ass airship) and Auron from X (If you look up badass in the dictionary, its just a picture of Auron with the words "'nuff said").

However, there is also something very wrong about all of these amazing settings that eliminate them: the worlds in which they are really screwed up.  In VI, the world goddamn ends at one point and everyone is left picking up the scraps.  VII's massive plot hole inducing ending hints at the destruction of all humanity and the people in X have all been emotionally scared by growing up living in fear of a giant whale monster that ended civilization at one point, and sticks around to screw with the survivors.  Yeah, I don't think I'd want to live there, kthxbai.

Not even impossible clothes and airships can save you.  I'm sorry.

Well, what about Mario from the plethora of games he's stared in?  He's basically an international celebrity at this point, has a strong love interest with royalty, and seems to go for at least a year or so of peaceful living between Bowser launching incompetent attacks.

I'm going to go the vain route here in elimination: Mario looks sorta retarded.  Also, he's an Italian stereotype.  And I'm not really down with mustaches, overalls, or being pudgy despite the miles of running.

Alright, I guess I'll have to eliminate Link too.  And for a better reason than because that guy did it (although, that is my primary motivation here). Its the simple fact that, as a 12 year old, saving the world is kind of a massive job.  That's a lot of stress and pressure, which if I was a bit older, I'd probably be able to cope with.  But at 12?  I haven't done any of this shit before, and you want me to kill the great big evil pig?  I think I'm just going to cry in a corner, thank you very much.

I was still  trying to figure out how to talk to girls at 12, and you want me to fight that?  With a sword?  I haven't developed enough sarcasm to handle this right now.

After that, most of the Nintendo games loose appeal do to the fact they have installments I didn't enjoy playing though, so why on Earth would I want to actually be any of those people?

Fuck, I'm hardly closer than when I started.  Well, tune in next post to get an answer to this great age old question.