Hell, even Andrew Jackson lived in different times- if he disagreed with you, he'd just slap your face with a white glove, laugh a bit, and then shoot you. And he was an American president. Nowadays, if you tried to do that, people would be clamoring for you be put in prison for some silly thing called "first degree murder".
Life was simpler back then, is what I'm saying. Because you didn't have to exercise nearly as much self-control.
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| Has anyone ever used the "roleplaying as the seventh president" defense for shooting someone? |
Historical musing aside, life is complicated and self control pretty much permiates throughout our entire existence. And not in the 'don't murder everyone' way. The ability to turn down a short term gain, or something you want to do in the heat of the moment, is pretty essental for you to get just about anywhere in life.
And, as you might expect, scientists have been researching the ever-loving shit out of self control. Actually, I take that back, psychologists have been studying the ever-loving shit out of self control. And if I've learned anything from my college education, its that psychologists guestimate and real scientists do not.
But don't ever say that out loud. A psych major will repel down the celling like a damn specal forces secret agent to come and tell you how wrong you are. Which is a thing that happened to me.
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| Psychologists are the ninjas of academia |
But, back to self control. I'm sure all of you know about the Standford marshmallow experiment. What the researchers did was place a bunch of kids, from ages 4 - 6, in a room, and gave each of them a marshmallow (or treat of their choice, but I like the word marshmallow). The scientists then told all of the kids that they were going to leave. If a child did not eat the marshmallow, when the scientists got back, that kid would get a second marshmallow. The researchers then left the room for fifteen minutes.
What fallowed was an epic test of will as the children struggled to not eat the marshmallow. Well, most struggled- a minority ate the marshmallow as soon as they saw it on the table. Because fuck you, marshmallow. But the rest of them stared down the marshmallow, straining to resist its foul temptations. They searched despertly for the inner resolve to resist the seductive whisperings of "eat me" coming from the marshmallow. They strained, they fought, they battled.
And in the end, only a third of the kids managed to get two marshmallows.
Although older kids were generally better at it than the younger kids (which was what the research was trying to prove), it turns out that those that got two marshmallows are, to this day, better overall human beings than their marshmallow eating friends. In just about every possible aspect.
In a followup 10 years later, the researchers found out that those who did not eat the marshmallow out-scored the other kids by a whopping 200 points on the SAT.
In many other follow ups throughout the years, kids who have a better innate ability to put off instant gratification do better in college, are thinner (see previous post about obesity), have a clean criminal record and higher annual incomes.
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| It's "I can wait 15 minutes to get what I want" man! |
It's pretty clear then, that to be successful, you don't actually have to be pretty, have any talent or be smart. You just have to not eat the damn marshmallow.
Due to the ages of the initial study, however, the results also imply that the amount of self-control you have is innate. You're born with x ability to resist getting what you want right now. If you didn't get it big in the genetic lottery, well, sorry. Guess you get to be a garbage man.
But the story doesn't end there. See you guys next time for part II: how you can eat the marshmallow and not be a giant douche-shaped leech on society.
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