Board Games: Serious Business

Everyone has there own value system.  I get that- we all find different things important.  For example, if I were to start talked about mathematical algorithm analysis and optimization, most of you would either stab me in the throat to make the words stop coming, or offer me your wallet in an attempt to bribe me to shut up.

In fact, this is my primary source of income.  I've gotten very good at dodging knife thrusts to the throat.

There is, however, some things we all take way to seriously.  Things that always start out as a night of family fun and end up with doors slammed, kids crying and spouses threatening divorce.  In fact, when they made a video game based on these things, it became the quickest way to turn your friends into your enemies.  Mario Party, I'm looking at you.

Kart racing takes a very close second.

Board Games.  Maybe it stems from the fact that we all have that memory of having a Candyland victory robbed from us by getting that godforsaken Plumpy card right as we're about to win, or maybe it stems later, when you can't get your first whore of a peg on the game field in Sorry for ten turns because the dice refuse to grant you a 6.

No matter what the source, everyone always takes board games very seriously.  Its the inverse of bowling- in bowling, everything is hardcore until you get that first gutter ball-- then the shame breaks your resolve and you stop caring about the game.  With board games, everything starts out lighthearted and fun, then things slowly grow more and more serious until death threats become a common place.

The concept of Holy War does apply to friends/roommates/family over Chutes and Ladders

These games get so intense, that the freakin' British royal family is not allowed to play Monopoly because it "gets to vicious".  These are people that have had a centuries of breeding to make them diplomatic and restrained, and they can't even handle Monopoly.

Think you're better than them?  I'd be careful if I were you- people have been murdered over Monopoly (with the added benefit of the killers trying to make the corpse looked like it was raped), Chess (to be fair, the murderer was trying to get to death row- probably over the fact he lost a chess match), Checkers (although the murderer claims the victim accidentally stabbed himself to death with a shank), Dominoes (the killer actually hid out in an amusement park called "Joyland" after the incident), and Dice (where someone was killed over a six dollar gambling debt).

Oh, almost forgot about Yahtzee, where a mother was killed by her son for simply suggesting they play the game together.

Thank Christ she didn't suggest Risk, they would have went postal on the whole city block.

You know what the best part about all of this is?  I am making exactly none of it up.  Listen up, Jack Thompson, I think you're going after the wrong guy.  I'm a bit more concerned about board games than video games at this point.